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9 Questions To Ask On Non-Monogamous Dates

Here is a list of questions to ask when dating and relating to non-monogamous people (especially poly people!).

This isn’t a list I complied, but, upon reading it I feel it needs sharing. I feel It’s important to ask how the people you are engaging organise the relationships in their life so you can make informed choices about the level of engagement you can realistically have with a person and to see if you are in alignment with what you want from one another.

1. Do you practice hierarchy in your relationships?

2. Do you have a veto agreement with any of your partners?

3. Do you have any relationship agreements that will restrict or limit how we can move in our relationship?

4. Are there sexual acts or relationship activities that will be “off-limits” to me?

5. If you have problems in an existing relationship, will you then limit/end our relationship?

6. Are things like birthdays, holidays, special occasions available to only certain partners?

7. Are you “Kitchen Table” (a cozy emotional atmosphere in a polycule, wherein all of the members can willingly sit around at a kitchen table with some coffee and get along, even with those whom they aren’t dating directly) and is there an expectation that I have to have a good relationship with your partners? What happens if that isn’t possible?

8. How do you confront issues of safe-sex/std’s? Do you have a protocol?

9. Do you have pre-existing set schedules for things such as ‘date nights?

This isn’t an exhaustive list but hopefully should provide a good starting point.